Have you ever breathed so loudly that everybody looked at you funny?
That's the situation she soon found herself, sometimes every other week. A doctor's office is every little kid's nightmare. She had to wait patiently listening to the ticking of the office clock and re-reading for perhaps the 30th time the "List of Life's To Do's."
Even though she was aware her deathbed was not awaiting or anything that emotionally extreme, her heart would still pound a million times a second on every doctor's office visit.
In her heart, she knew her body was hurting, but in her head, she told herself everything was and will always be just fine.
As a young girl, this dichotomy was overwhelming and she repeatedly left the doctor's office sobbing with disappointment. The doctor, a smart caring man with good intentions, had plenty of experience, but even he was stuck on her problem.
Forced to come to terms with the fact that she was still breathing, she decided she should just stay calm. That is usually when the pain would strike again, like a back-stabbing friend. It felt as if a sharp steak knife had been thrust into the center of her stomach. For no reason at all, she would continuously feel a sharp, intense pain within her abdominal area. This was a little scary to her because it was so unexplainable.
The next step in the doctor's diagnosis involved testing the spot of irritation with what seemed to be a bunch of medical tests that, of course, made absolutely no sense to her.
She went through x-rays, small surgical procedures and multiple prescriptions. The doctors and lab technicians eventually found an irritation possibly caused by worry and stress. An inflamed mass on the inner lining of her stomach was eating away the flesh. When stomach acid washed it, it caused excruciating pain to the point where she was taking up to 10 pain pills every day. The pills created dizziness that was also unbearable. Yet, she had to bear it.
During this rocky time, she felt the need to cling to everyone. But when she opened her eyes a little wider, she found everything that was once her life was disappearing before her very eyes. The effects were life-changing. As a teenager, she had very little knowledge as to what life even meant.
Where would she end up next, considering events of the past few years? She learned not to question her situation, but still she had unfulfilled wishes?
Why didn't anyone outside of her household notice or even care? Was this girl drifting away from a world that revolved around her? Were her friends leaving her behind just because she got sick? Confused and lost, she continued to wonder.
Scripps Interactive Newspaper Group
©2009 The E.W. Scripps Co.